|CENESEX. Ciudad de la Habana.|
Acudi al CENESEX por primera vez en 1995; mis presiones internas eran tan grandes que necesitaba que alguien ‘confirmara’ que yo era un travestista heterosexual, lo que necesitaba creer entonces. Estaba enamorada -de una mujer, el amor de mi vida- y necesitaba darle alguna salida a las confusiones reprimidas de toda una vida. Ya le habia dicho a mi novia que me fascinaba vestirme y maquillarme como una mujer y ella lo habia aceptado; solo que yo sabia inconscientemente que mis sentimientos iban mas alla pero acomodar mi yo a una media verdad relativamente aceptable me hizo la vida mas llevadera durante un tiempo.
|Lic. Mayra Rodriguez|
Regrese a ver a Mayra un año despues, luego de una explosion de sentimientos que destruyo mi relacion. Esta vez le dije toda la verdad; le dije que toda la vida me habia sentido mujer y que no habia nada que deseara mas que transformar mi cuerpo, le dije que mi vida era un infierno, le dije que vivia en una confusion enorme, le dije tanto que no se cuanto le dije ni cuanto tiempo estuve alli. El dolor enorme de haber perdido al amor de mi vida era tan lacerante que dura hasta hoy.
Me incluyeron en un programa de seguimiento de dos años, al cabo del cual me diagnosticaron como transexual en 1998, entonces…nada mas, un vacio desesperanzador. Por razones que desconozco de primera mano luego de esta primera cirugia en 1988 no hubo otra hasta tal vez el año 2008. y las hormonas recien se le administraban a un grupo de personas que habia vivido como mujeres durante años. La depilacion era poco menos que un sueño imposible.
Bajo los auspicios del CENESEX, se logro que las cirugias se reanudaran años despues de haberme establecido en Canada. Para entonces la directora del Centro era Mariela Castro Espin, hija de Raul Castro, actual presidente en funciones de Cuba.
|Mariela Castro Espin. Directora del CENESEX|
THE CUBAN NATIONAL CENTRE OF SEX EDUCATION
|National Centre of Sex Education. Havana City.|
The National Centre of Sex Education (CENESEX) is the only institution in Cuba that has a Multidisciplinary Group of Attention to Transsexuals which was created in the 70’s. Thanks to the efforts of this group the first sex reassignment surgery took place in Cuba back in 1988. I remember a brief note in the papers that shook my world to the core; I already knew who I was and lived a false life with even more false expectations that included burying my inner self so I could have an ‘acceptable’ life ahead. It was only recently that the identity of the individual who had that surgery was revealed in a documentary: ‘In the wrong body’. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsUgwDMaKwY
I went to the CENESEX for the first time back in 1995; I was under so much internal pressure that I needed someone to validate my feelings: I wanted someone to say I was a heterosexual transvestite, which was what I wanted to believe then so I could deal with my lifetime repressed confusions. I had told my girlfriend that I liked to dress as a woman and wear make-up; she was ok with it; only that I knew that my feelings went above and beyond that but accommodating to a relatively acceptable half truth made my life easier for a while.
We saw psychologist Mayra Rodriguez Lauzurrique a couple of times; she was very professional and humane; after listening to us she said that we seemed to be a perfectly well-balanced couple and that there was nothing to worry about. She said it more than once while I had my girlfriend sitting on my lap in her office. I was reassuring…for a while.
I came back to Mayra a year later, after a break-down that ended up destroying my relationship. This time I told her all the truth; I told her that all my life I have felt I was a woman and that there was nothing I wanted more than transform my body, I told her that my life was hell, I told her that I lived in an enormous confusion, I told her so much that I don’t know how much I told her or how long I was there. The pain of losing the love of my life hurt so much that it is there still today.
I was put in a 2-year follow-up program after which I was diagnosed as gender dysphoric in 1998, then…nothing else; a hopeless emptiness. Surgeries were not available; for reasons I don’t know first hand, after that first surgery there wasn’t another one for years, maybe until 2008 and hormones were only available to a select group that had been living as women for years. Hair removal was a pipedream.
Sex reassignment surgeries were restored in Cuba, years after I established in Canada, by then Mariela Castro Espin, daughter of Raul Castro, current president of Cuba, was the Director of the CENESEX.
|Mariela Castro Espin. Director of the CENESEX|